if you took my hand now i wouldnt hesitate to walk you home. 
¶ 3:41 pm

  happy

i believe you dont realize that when i see you go into your self denial self destroying state it hurts me too. or are you just pretending that you dont know how i feel about everything? or are you afraid that i would expect something from you? if you never realized i never did and never will. i just find that it is a tad selfish to expect me to lend a listening ear when you act like what i said or felt dint matter or wasnt a big deal anyway. oh well screw it it doesnt matter anyway. i'm sick of all this sappyness cause i believe that i can be happy and away from all this drama. i still believe that happniess is a choice.

 
¶ 4:58 pm

  a lil' insight will make it right.

i finally realize what the monday blues really mean. i always thought office work in the army would mean just reporting on time and erm leaving on time? lol. or even basically just sleep for others. haha. the work place is seemily getting more hectic everyday. kenny this kenny that. oh please i'm only human. i need my rest too! i still have another year and a half to go and already i'm feeling like i couldnt stand being here for another day. oh how am i going to serve out my remaining days without going crazy. there are some days where i get depressed the moment i step into the office. there is just this feeling of being surpressed whenever i'm here. oh somebody save me please.

oh well alright thats enough of being a retard and whining like a baby. everyone goes thru the same shit anywhere else anyway.

yesterday was erm, you could say a happy day. haha sorry dawn, our talk in the end did make the mood seem a lil.... solemn i think? but i'm still glad cause it does seem that our friendship have taken a step forward somehow. and you are right. we have all grown up despite not really knowing it ourselves. of course we still have our childish fun and jump around like idiots most of the time we meet but haha. lo and behold. deep within we have all grown up yea? oh well happy 19th again dawn. hope you had a good birthday despite you being emo and skeptical. and i do hope it will be a good year for you/you will find what your looking for if you stay true to what you believe in yes?

 
¶ 2:19 pm

  hello there,

beneath the new look, mascara and make-up are you still the same girl i used to know?

its a wonder how everything that revolves around us change so much daily and we seem to not be able to actually realize this. maybe one day i'll be able to take a step back, take a look around me and observe the changes.

we walk with our eyes wide open but often we fail to use our heart to see.

 
¶ 10:58 pm

  back, maybe

from what blogger tells me, my last post was actually on the 13th of december 2006. well i guess its really been awhile since i wrote anything. 4 whole months infact. so i guess you can expect that alot has changed for me. and when i say alot. i really mean ALOT. hmmm so where do i start? for those of you whose actually been wondering where i disappeared to the answers real simple actually. the army doesnt really give you any free time so much less the time to blog yea?

not mentioning the topsy turvy month of dec up till i enlisted, my time in the army has no doubt been quite interesting. i enlisted to mono intake commandos BMT on the 12 of jan. unfortunately, within 2 weeks i was put out of course due to my recurring knee injury. i did think this was a blessing at first because afterall i wasnt that interested in becoming a commando. i had enough of all this physical training in the last few years anyway.

alright, what really shocked me was this. i had to go for another scan to determine the extend of my injury this time round. and well well to my 'surprise' it did get worse. the report stated that i had 3 complex tears on my menicus and my anterior cruciate ligament is suposedly almost completely torn. never have i expected the extent of the damage to be so serious.so there i am faced with the option of goin thru surgery and have half a chance of doin physical activities again or leaving it as it is and risk tearing my ligament completely whenever i do anythin more physical. i went for the former and though i feel its the wiser choice i do hope i do not live to regret it. my op is on the 30th of march and as the days draw near i am of course starting to wonder what would really happen after this op. i do hope all goes well for me and if the op is a sucess i should be up and running within 3 to 4 months? well as for soccer i really dont know. i do hope i can still play some soccer once in awhile after this but hoping to regain my previous fitness and strength might just be out of reach. oh well wish me the best of luck people. think this is like the longest entry i've entered in years. and i should stop here i guess.

 
¶ 11:09 am

 

I still feel you looking over my shoulder
your sinking guilt and approaching nightmare 
¶ 2:04 am

 

this is a story of a girl,
who cried a river and drowned the whole world.
though she look so sad in photographs,
i absoulutely love her.
when she smiles.

her clothes never wear as well the next day
her hair never falls in quite the same way
she never seems to run out of things to say
amist the sadness she amuses me the same way. 
¶ 3:37 am