Sunday, December 25, 2005
empty
this is the worst christmas ever. i got no idea why i'm saying this but its jus how i feel excatly. as much as i'm finally spending time with all my friends alot and ian is finally back again but i still feel kinda empty and like somethings missing. it was most apparent to me on friday. falala was susposed to be fun party of the year eh. as much as i was corncerned i had a bad time, i seriously jus had no mood at all. even excluding the truth about certain things which totally put me off i still wasnt really in the mood to do anything at all.
something hit me that day. as much as there were so many familar faces around i still felt lonely. like it seemed like i din know anayone at all. it was a night filled with hi byes. thats all i guess. i'm really goin nuts. kennys not susposed to be depressed. hes the happy boy thats always smiling. not anymore i guess. not for now at least till i sort all these feelings out.
damnit, ian and his retarded thinking that its because i dont have a girl in my life. lol. i tell him otherwise. its because i dont even feel i have a life in the first place! and its not like i need a girl. it would be nice of cause but hey. i've survived long enough without one.
alright. i think i'll jus go for a run or something now. really need to jus get some time alone and think things thru. anyway. merry christmas people.
i don't wanna know
if you're playin' me, keep it on the low
cause my heart can't take it anymore
and if you're creepin, please don't let it show
oh baby, I don't wanna know
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