so sick.

and if you think i'm gonna quote another sappy love song.
not this time.


cause today it seems i'm gonna survive and i'll be just fine.

 
¶ 9:15 pm

 

alright there really isnt much to blog about lately is there?

mostly everydays about the A's. tutorials in school and more tutorials when home. its never ending i tell you. rarr. i jus hope i cant really work hard for these last few months and finally get things done! : /

oh well. at least me dawn and ele finally had our ice cream at island 'creamy' (HA) today. although it was only for a short while but it was still good since i dont even remember the last time i talked to the both of you at the same time! haha.
and hmmm i'm sorry if i couldnt really fill you 2 in on what really has been happening to me the past months or so but i'm only starting to feel better in school and stuff and so i guess i didnt want to bring everything up again yea? (dont wanna be called emoxzx boy anymore la. lol.)

a final note to the erm stranger(s), seriously i really appreciate your concern and i know you are just being nice and all but i really don see a need to be so secretive and stuff yea? i'm sure there really isnt much to hide yea? : ) 
¶ 8:34 pm

  blink 182

blink suddenly came on on my playlist and suddenly i realized how much i related to this album in the past, its a wonder 2 years later i feel the same all over again.
oh well, these are just some snippets from the album i guess.


Feeling this.
this place was never the same again
after you came and went
how can you say you meant anything different
to anyone standing alone
on the street with a cigarette
on the first night we met.

fate fell short this time
your smile fades in the summer
place your hand in mine
i’ll leave when i wanna.



I miss you.
where are you?
and i'm so sorry i cannot sleep
i cannot dream tonight.
i need somebody and always
this sick strange darkness comes creeping on
so haunting every time.
and as i stared i counted
the webs from all the spiders
catching things and eating their insides.
like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
will you come home and stop this pain tonight?
stop this pain tonight?

don't waste your time on me
you're already the voice inside my head
i miss you, miss you.

















Violence.
six bottles went down the drain
one hour's a waste of time
i'd ask if you feel the same
still pushing that chance to try
your breath in this cool room chill
long hair that blows side to side
you speak and make time stand still
and each time you walk right on by.

like violence, you have me
forever and after.
like violence, you kill me
forever and after.

 
¶ 10:28 pm

  unsaid.

oh its times like these when you feel you really need someone to be around. maybe just for comfort and to make things feel better. i dont know where to go anymore i feel lost and void of direction. there seems to be something inside me slowly eating me up, the worst part of it all i have no idea why i'm feeling this way. its just abit blur now and i' really hope i can get of this soon. somehow it seems all these feeling make my thoughts run wild and random sentences jus come up:

i never knew that everything was falling through,
that everyone i knew was waiting on a queue,
they'll turn and run when all i needed was the truth.
i guess that's how it's got to be,
it's coming down to nothing more than apathy,
i'd rather run the other way than stay and see,
the smoke and who's still standing when it clears.

everyone knows i'm in over my head,
with no time left in overtime she's on my mind,
she's on my mind.

let's rearrange things,
i wish you were a stranger i could disengage.
say something that we agree and then never change,
soften a bit until we all just get along.
but you'll find another friend that disregards, all that we had.

as you lose the argument,
suddenly i become a part of your past,
i'm becoming the part that don't last.
i'm losing you and its effortless,
without a sound we might lose sight of the ground,
never thought that you wanted to bring it down,
i won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves.

 
¶ 10:48 pm

 

oh she's beautiful but she doesn't mean a thing to me.

 
¶ 9:53 pm

  snow patrol/chasing cars

we'll do it all, everything, on our own
we don't need anything or anyone

if I lay here, if I just lay here
would you lie with me
and just forget the world

i don't quite know how to say how I feel
those three words are said too much
they're not enough

if I lay here, if I just lay here
would you lie with me
and just forget the world
forget what we're told
before we get too old
show me a garden that's bursting into life

let's waste time, chasing cars
around our heads
i need your grace to remind me
to find my own

all that I am, all that I ever was
is here in your perfect eyes
they're all I can see
i don't know where
confused about how as well
i just know that these things
will never change for us at all

if I lay here, if I just lay here
would you lie with me
and just forget the world?

 
¶ 10:25 pm

  lift me up.

ever wondered what makes the world go round? i mean how do people function and how do inter personal relationships work? i feel lost somehow in a place where i used to be all too comfortable. school seems cold and empty, i've seem to lost all the friends i've made and everyone seems distant, my guy friends are never around cause of army or are too busy with their girlfriends on weekends. to top it all off i believe the girls will soon move on to their new life in university and i dont intend to hold them back in any small way cause i believe the changes will be all good for them, the new experiences and stuff.

hmmm. lately i've been constantly asking myself what do i really want? like what do i need in life? to say the truth i really do not know cause my results are a mess, i've got no more soccer and my personal life. hmmm. what personal life? i wonder where i can start to sort all that rubbish out. rarr. i guess there've been many periods in this 2 and half years that i've been living like an idiot and i deserve every bit of this. but still i wonder if things could have been different? did something go wrong somewhere somehow? oh well we'll never know would we?

i guess the failure of the last escapade with you really did take alot out of me. i'm not really upset or angry that things didn't work out cause i never felt more calm about the things that happened cause it seemed i was already prepared for the worst. its just that this time round it really got me thinking alot more about the deeper side of life and things that happen around me. and it hit me suddenly when i realized how tired i am after dealing with so much insecurities and immatured behaviour, not just from you but from the people i have to deal with all the time. i am really really, drained and tired.

oh well enough about that, sadly i happen to be sick once again. suddenly came down with a bad cough and its really killing me. no idea whats happening really. all after gettin pest A for my medical somemore. what an irony. ok i guess its time to go to bed and hope i'll be well enough to go to school tml?


with eyes so fine,
you really blew my mind.

 
¶ 8:40 pm